Friday, June 6, 2008

Some randomness

A few funny things have happened in the past week or so...things that were not captured on film or video. Because of their humor, I had to share them anyway. (One thing in particular was not captured on film or video for very, very obvious reasons. Try to pick out which one.)

So picture this...I'm in the kitchen making dinner. Joe and Scarlett are playing with her toys in the living room. Scarlett has a few toys that play music...but please don't think it's good music. These toys play "touch-tone phone symphonies;" which is terminology I've fashioned to explain said music. No words, bad pitch, headaches. One rendition is a particularly bad "Muffin Man." Well...turns out that Joe does know the muffin man, but did not know that he lives in Drury Lane. When this song came on Scarlett's plastic touch-tone jukebox from hell, this is what I hear Joe sing to her..."Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man...(brief pause)...I wish I had some of his muffins." I guess I was taking too long to make dinner.

On rare occasions, I'm able to get Scarlett's hair into some kind of "style"...if you can even call it that...but it may be a stretch. Well, Brittany (one of Scarlett's daycare providers) has some kind of magic touch, and/or magic brush, and/or God-like powers that gets Scarlett's hair into the most perfect little ponytails. Only problem is...I can't get the elastics out. Ever. I swear it's like she glues them onto Scarlett's head. Joe and I had a date the other night, so Nan came over to babysit. Earlier that day, Brittany had blessed us with one of her masterpieces (the kind resembling a fountain of blond hair cascading right smack out of the top center of bubbaloo's cranium). Before bedtime, Nan couldn't get the elastic out she just put Scarlett and her beautiful hairstyle to bed as is. Joe woke Scarlett up the next morning, pried the remains of an elastic from her disheveled mane, and...what happened? He revealed the best case of bed head that has ever graced the earth. I'm not kidding you folks, this was momentous. It was way better than any Nick Nolte hair Scarlett has had to date. All of the hair growing on the top of this child's head was sticking straight up in the air at a 90 degree angle completely defying gravity. I was mesmerized - and completely tempted to send her to daycare in her present condition so the world could see this baby's crazy hair. Deciding against that, I tried to fix the problem. No amount of brushing, smoothing, or mom spit would soothe the savage beast. So...what did I do you might ask? I used the erectility of Scarlett's hair to my advantage, put on another elastic, and called it a day...or called it a hairstyle. Done and done.

We went to IKEA last week despite the fact that Scarlett did not appear to be feeling so well. She was clingy and very warm (she wound up having a bit of a fever), but IKEA was calling my name so we went anyway. (Great mom, huh? Oy.) We shopped a bit and decided we would get some dinner. I had gotten Scarlett all set up with a bib, sippy cup, and delicious Swedish meatballs. I decided to grab some extra napkins for the table in case we made a mess. I left for 30 seconds. When I walked back to our table I encountered a wide-eyed Joe and a wide-eyed Scarlett who were both staring straight forward at me as if they had seen...

A) a ghost
B) a dog get hit by a car
C) president Bush get re-elected...again (AAaaAahh!!)

It seemed like an eternity. They were both pale and speechless. No one moved...and then I saw it folks...I saw...barf. There was barf everywhere. In my absence, Scarlett had proceeded to barf all over the table, floor, and high chair (borrowed high chair, might I add). Need I remind you, we were in a populated restaurant. I threw my newly retrieved napkins over the pile of barf, but to no avail. We needed more...and QUICK. I snapped Joe out of his "fear-of-barf-while-mom-is-gone" trance and we frantically cleaned up the mess while the public politely prentended not to watch. Just when we got most of it up, Scarlett blessed us (and our audience) with another pile. Ah...our first real puking in public experience. Something tells me that won't be the last.


Pokolodi said...

Well...I'm assuming the puking in publicone is the one you chose not to capture on film, but why the heck didn't you get the bed head on film?! Bad mom! Bad! Where was your camera??

And do you want to hear something really sad? When I read the "date" part, I actually had to think of when the last time was that Andrei and I had a date. You know what I figured out? It was at least 360 days ago. How do I know? Because Carson was born 360 days ago. We have not been in public without our son for as long as he's been alive. ...I think it's time for us to get a babysitter.